A heart of longing

I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and many more, but most important I am redeemed through Christ. I am a child of the Most Holy God who has reached out and pulled me up from the muck that I once dwelt.

That is incredibly important if you are to know my heart, that you know that I am not perfect- not even close!!! But I am forgiven. I live my life by this. I find that in raising my children this is my number one motivator!

The biggest joy is when I see my children praise God or offer their prayers. Arydona loves to sing along with the radio to the christian radio station. When my children offer their prayers or ask to pray, it reinforces that I am doing something right!

I know that one day I will be held accountable for my choices with my children. That is the biggest reason that I stay home with them. I need to know that I have laid a solid foundation and poured the word of God into them. I want to see them long for God in the same way that I do. My greatest joy as a parent was the day Bella accepted Christ. That day I knew that I was doing something right.

Through the years of raising my children, God has definitely been a source of strength. Each day I find, I need him more and more. That may sound cliche, but with a house full of children as any stay at home mom knows, is nothing if not challenging. I struggle day to day with managing a household, getting three kids up and dressed and breakfast. Anyone who has seen my harried home knows that keeping up with the housework is not necessarily my number one priority, especially when there are sisters fighting, a baby crying and another poopy diaper to change. Without God, heck with him at times, I would be found in a heap on the floor- or worse.

The joys of children are wonderful, but they have definitely tried my patience from time to time. Patience has never been my forte, which is why God has given me three headstrong children. My life has become a lesson in humility, in patience, in forbearance, and dependence on Christ. It is the times when I think I alone can manage my family, my children, their intricacies that I fall flat on my face. Triumphant is the day that no one is screaming or that Mommy made it through without a meltdown herself!! Those are the days when I am dwelling in the hands of God, when I am allowing him to live through me. Every other day it is my own inequities that reign, unfortunately.

But through my own spiritual struggles, failures even, is an example to my children. They will see that living a life in Christ doesn't mean that you are perfect, though everyday we strive towards that. It doesn't mean that you don't yell or cry or even say a mean thing here or there. But that in humility we apologize. Living in Christ means that we don't accept our weaknesses as a part of us, but give them to God daily so he can lift us up. That we strive to do better daily. When I mess up I make sure that my children are aware of my sin, that Mommy is sorry that she yelled and no she shouldn't have said no more cookies ever. That Mommy asked God to forgive her and seeks out forgiveness of my children as well. They see my humanity and my strive towards eternity. Hopefully this teaches them and doesn't intimidate or deter them. But when they see me on my knees daily, this is an example that will stay with them, I hope, forever.